Cole shimmered into the Halliwell’s front hall.  “Phoebe?” he yelled out.  “Hello?”

Up in the attic, Phoebe slammed the Book of Shadows shut.  “Up here!” she yelled down.   Tucking the Books under her arm, she hurried downstairs to meet her boyfriend.

Cole climbed the stairs so that they met halfway, on the second floor.  “Hey Phoebe,” he said, smiling.

“Cole she replied, grinning broadly.  She clutched the Book to her chest and ran to give him a kiss.

Cole neatly sidestepped her.  “Book,” he said as an explanation.

“Are you still going on about that?” Phoebe complained.  “I’m telling you, you’re probably fine now.”

“It’s the ‘probably’ part that I’m worried about,” said Cole.  “It’s just easier to stay away.”

“Oh, I almost forgot.  I got great news!”

“What?”

Phoebe grabbed Cole’s wrist and led him into her bedroom.  Pulling him down beside her on the bed, which bounced a few times, she folded her legs so that she was sitting kindergartener style and opened the Book in her lap.

“I was searching through the Book and you’ll never guess what I found,” Phoebe said, bubbling over.

“What?” Cole asked, trying to suppress a grin at her passion.

Phoebe found the entry she was looking for and held it up for Cole to see. The half-demon backed away, making sure to keep his distance from the Book.

“I found a way to get rid of your demon half,” Phoebe said happily.

Cole’s smile faded instantly.  “What?” he asked.

“It’s in the Book,” Phoebe said, her good mood not dampened by Cole’s lack of enthusiasm.  “See?”  She held up the entry again.

Cole pushed her arm away and stood up.  There was no mistaking his troubled look now.  He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again right away.  Turning, he started to pace?”

“What’s the matter?” Phoebe asked, concerned.  She set the Book aside and got up.

“Is that really what you want?” Cole asked, turning around to face her.

“Isn’t it what you want?” Phoebe asked, confused.

“No.”  Cole shook his head.  “No it isn’t.”

“Why not?” Phoebe asked.  “This way you never have to worry about your demon half again.”

“It’s not that simple, Phoebe,” Cole told her.

“It is,” she disagreed.  “There’s a spell; it’s in the Book.”

“No, you don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand?” Phoebe asked.

“I can’t just exorcize my demonic side, Phoebe,” Cole said.

“Why not?”

Cole grabbed her hands.  “Look at me, Phoebe,” he said.  “Look at me.  Who do you see?”

“I see Cole Turner,” she answered.  “I see the man I love.”

“But I’m not Cole Turner.  Nor am I Belthazor.  I am both of them.”

“But you don’t have to be,” implored Phoebe.  “If we just use the spell, Belthazor will be gone forever.”

“You don’t get it.  I am Belthazor.  You can’t just snap your fingers and get rid of him.  He’s me.”

“No you’re not,” Phoebe said, her voice raw.  “You’re not Belthazor.  He was evil.  You’re good.”

“No, Phoebe, you can just dismiss Belthazor, you can’t say he isn’t me.  It was me who did all those horrible things, me, Cole Turner, Belthazor.”

“But you’re not him anymore,” Phoebe protested.

“But I am.  Don’t you see?” he asked, his tone pleading for her to understand.  “I’m as much Belthazor now as I was Cole Turner before.

Phoebe was shaking her head.  “No.  You suppress your demonic side now.  You’re different.”

“I suppress it,” Cole agreed.  “It’s still there.  It will always be there.”

“Not if we do the spell.”

Cole closed his eyes and took a few seconds to collect himself.  Then, opening them, he tried another approach.  “For the past century,” he began, “my demonic side has been in control.  I was Belthazor.  It tried to forget the Cole Turner part of me had ever existed.  I buried my humanity so deep that I had convinced myself I was rid of it for good.

“Then you came along.  I found myself falling in love with you, and I realized my humanity was still there, it had been there all along.  You just had to come along to find it.

“Don’t you see?  If I try to deny Belthazor is a part of me now, I’ll be just as foolish as I was before, trying to pretend I had no humanity.  My demonic side may not be in control, may never be in control again, but it will always be there and it is dangerous to think otherwise.”

“But if we cast the spell, then your demonic half will be gone.  You won’t have to live with that temptation.”  Phoebe’s voice cracked.

“My demonic half, Phoebe, my demonic half,” Cole pointed out. “It’s half of me.  I could no sooner get rid of it than I could cut off my right arm.”

“Even if it means we can’t be together?  You know my sisters would stop being against us if they new you were no longer a demon,” Phoebe said.

“For how long?” Cole asked.  “How long would we be together?  Until the next zotar crosses my path and finds me helpless?  Powerless?  There’s still a bounty on my head, remember?  It’s not going to go away just because Belthazor does.  Or until the Source sends some lackey to kill me?  I’m really hated down there.  I mean, you’re a witch.  You’re expected to be there enemy.  I’m a demon that switched sides.  I’m the most despised, despicable creature there is.”

“No you’re not,” Phoebe said, standing up for her boyfriend.

“Maybe not,” Cole allowed, “but in their eyes I am.”

“Maybe later?”  Phoebe looked down.  “Maybe when this all dies down?  Then, maybe?”

Cole shook his head sadly.  “No, Phoebe.  It’s not something that will happen, it’s not something I will be able to do.”  He hesitated before adding softly, sounding slightly vulnerable, “I just hope you’ll be able to learn to live with it.”

Phoebe rested her head on his chest.  “I will.  I do now - it’s just . . . it would be so much easier if we could.”

Cole wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on the top of her head.  “I heard once that nothing in life worth having is esy.”

“That just proves you’re one of the best things I have,” Phoebe said, falling into her baby voice.

“You’re definitely the most priceless thing in mine,” Cole whispered back.

“I love you, Cole Turner, even if you are half-demon.  You do know that, don’t you?”

“And I love you, Phoebe Halliwell,” Cole said, rocking her slightly.  Then, with a hint of a smile, he added, “Even if you are a witch.”

“I know,” Phoebe grinned.

The End
Written April 2, 2001