Attack of the Evil Soup

This was fun to write. The idea came from a rather unusual conversation my friends and I had one day.


It was a normal day in Sunnydale, when Buffy and Xander met in the school cafeteria. Giles' research had not yet discovered any life-threatening prophecies, but the day was only half done.

So instead of their usual talk of demons and the forces of darkness, the two teenagers were talking about more normal things. The conversation stopped when Willow joined them.

"Hey, Will," Xander said.

"Hi guys," she answered, cheerfully.

Buffy eyed the redhead's lunch suspiciously. "What's that?" she asked.

"Cream of mushroom soup. It's today's special."

"Cream of mushroom soup?" Buffy repeated. "Eww!"

"It's good," Willow protested.

"It's disgusting," Buffy argued.

Xander stopped stuffing his face with his usual assortment of junk food long enough to give his opinion. "Buffy's right, Will, it tastes awful."

"Stop badmouthing my soup!" Willow told them.

"Sorry Will, but cream of mushroom soup is evil," Buffy said.

"What? It's not evil. It's good. It's nice, good, not evil soup."

Just as she spoke those words, the soup in question started to boil...

"Willow," Xander asked nervously, "What's wrong with your soup?".

Willow was staring at it. "I don't know," she admitted, a little shocked.

She was even more surprised when two seconds later the boiling soup started to grow.

All over the cafeteria screams of other students filled the air. There was panic as the whole school rushed to leave. There were about 20 or 30 soup monsters slowly crawling towards each other. When two touched, they melded together to form a single, bigger one. Soon there was only one giant soup monster left in the cafeteria.

"What is that thing?" Willow exclaimed.

"It's a soup monster," Buffy told her, "I told you that cream of mushroom soup was evil.

"Sorry I doubted you."

"So how do we kill this thing?" Xander asked.

"Oh, that's easy," Buffy said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "All we need is some chicken soup."

"More soup?" Willow asked cautiously. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Of course. Chicken soup is good."

So the three teenagers went and gathered up all the chicken soup in the café. It, too, started to boil and grow. Soon it was as big as the cream of mushroom soup monster. It gave out a roar of challenge and started towards the evil soup, which had stopped destroying the cafeteria when it had noticed the second soup monster.

Soon the two soup monsters were locked in a fight to the death. The evil soup monster drew first blood, so to speak. The good soup monster leaked chicken soup over the floor. But the wound didn't slow him down. With a ferocious roar the chicken soup monster gave the final blow.

Buffy, Willow and Xander looked on as the evil cream of soup monster gave one last yell as it collapsed into a wave of coup over the floor. The chicken soup monster, now satisfied that the evil monster had been destroyed, returned to the bowls from which it came from.

"It looks like the world is safe once again from the evils of the Hellmouth," Willow commented.

"Yes, but what a mess!"

The teens looked around. The cafeteria was an awful mess. Soup, of both the chicken and cream of mushroom variety, covered the floors and furniture. Tables and chairs were overturned, a result of the fleeing students. Many chairs were broken; the soup monsters were rather clumsy and too many had gotten in the way of the fight.

"Maybe we should leave," Xander suggested.

"Good idea," the two girls agreed in unison.

It was a good idea. Barely 30 seconds had past before Principal Snyder came in, and then all hell really broke loose.

The End