Dear Journal

Tonight was the prom, the one dance that Iíve spent my entire life dreaming about. It was supposed to be perfect, one of the best nights of my life. It should have been like a dream come true. Well, at least a normal girlís dream come true. My dreams coming true constitute as a nightmare. It happened once, remember? That was during my first year here in Sunnyhell. What a mess that was. But I digress.

Of course, I live on the Hellmouth, so Iím not sure why I expected this evening to go well. I really should have known better. Nothing ever goes right in Sunnydale. But still I hoped.

Well, those hopes were destroyed early off. Angel told me he doesnít think weíre going to work out. Heís leaving me. He hasnít told me where heís going. I donít think he knows yet. I, well to be put it simply, I was devastated. More than devastated. I donít think thereís a strong enough word to describe what I feel. How could he do that to me? Especially at this time? He knew how much the prom meant to me. How could he not? Itís all Iíve been talking about for weeks.

The promís supposed to be this fantastic dance that you remember for your entire life. Youíre supposed to go with the guy youíre madly in love with. Youíre supposed to dance the night away with him by your side the entire time. Heís supposed to dance with you, to hold you tight, to kiss you and love you. Iíve been lucky enough to find the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with already. Why does fate tease me? It dangles him in front of me like a carrot, but snatches him away whenever I reach him. Fateís already screwed with me enough, canít it just leave me alone? What have I done to deserve this?

Still, even though my night seemed to have been ruined, I was determined not to let everyone elseís night be spoiled too. Iím sorry, but using ďCarrieĒ to brainwash the hounds from hell? That just seems rather, I donít know, lame. Usually I face enemies that have a little more finesse than that. Brainwashing beasts to attack people in formal clothing seems rather cured and silly. They were easier to kill than your average vampire, so I was still able to make it to the prom.

Angel showed up, after all. It was probably one of the best moments of my life. It was just for the night, he insisted. This time I think itís for real. I know weíve ďbroken upĒ half a dozen times before, but this time itís actually going to stay. After the ascension thereís a good chance Iíll never see him again. Provided, of course, we survive. Thereís a good chance we wonít. But Iím not going to think about that. (Yeah, Iím really going to stop.) The worst night of my life quickly turned into one of the best again. Isnít it amazing how your life changes from good to horrible than back to good again in a blink of the eye?

Oh, did I mention I was voted the class protector? Got a great umbrella and everything. Apparently the class of í99 has the lowest mortality rate ever at Sunnydale High and they seem to think itís my doing.

I guess my classmates arenít that stupid after all.