Hey everyone! This is a short vignette I wrote after watching Becoming Part 2. It's from Buffy's POV and has MAJOR spoilers for the second season. Be warned. Enjoy!
My mind has been numb since down. Unable to think, everything was running on auto drive. Just now do I realize where I am, what has happened. Now all my thoughts are meshed together, tangled with each other. I try to sort them out.
It's amazing. 24 hours is all it takes to change a life. Sure I've heard it before, seen it on tv, and in one of the rare books I own, read it. But I've never really KNOWN, not until it happened to me. Just a day ago, I was the happiest girl in the world. No- that's a lie. But I was happy enough, and for the first time in months, things were looking up.
False hope. In the last 24 hours I've been responsible for at least 1 death, and countless injuries. Poor Willow, all she tried to do was help me. She wanted to save Angel, and in turn, he almost killed her. I remember looking at her battered body, and I knew.
Xander knew too, I think. It seems his best friend had to almost die before he realized his feelings for her. They love each other. No, they aren't IN love with each other, not like Willow used to think. But they have something special. It's about time they found out.
Kendra died, Willow almost, Xander got hurt, and Cordelia ran. She was the smart one. I wish they had all run. And Giles. . .
Because of me, because I was too weak to kill the demon I had once welcomed into my arms. He was hurt, tortured, tormented, almost killed. Giles I mean. Forced to give a secret. One which may have destroyed the world.
And shown Jenny, his love. She also died because of me. Died because I was petty and blamed her for my actions. She tried to help me, win back my trust, and she died. Her neck snapped and left as a present for her lover. Giles was a zombie when I first saw him after she died. Because I was so selfish. Because I'm so childish. How can I blame my mother for kicking me out. Who would want a murderer as a daughter. Who would want me? I fight, I burn down buildings, and I've been expelled from school twice. I've caused numerous deaths because I didn't take being the Slayer seriously. Sure I tell people all the time "I'm the chosen one, the only one who can stop them." But when push comes to shove, I stand back and whimper in the corner until someone close to me gets hurt. Often by Angel.
Angel. I killed him. Not Angelus, not the demon who has been killing for the last few months, but the soul who saved my life oh so many times. The creature I made love to, the one I loved. I watched his eyes, full of betrayal when he felt my sword stab his stomach. He has been sent to hell, when it was I that was meant to go. I am the killer, not him.
Well not anymore. I'm starting a new life, with no ties to my old. I'll leave this hellhole and never look back. I'll be a Slayer who actually works, who doesn't whine about her social life, or lack thereof when she should be doing her job and letting another keep their life. Let others live. I won't do anything that isn't related to slaying, won't make any new connections. Won't let any more people be harmed because of me.
I look out the window. There is a sign: "You are now leaving Sunnydale. Please come back soon." I feel a tear roll down my cheek as I say my final good-byes to my life and to this town. I never want to come back.